How to bring on a Panic Attack and other Dumb Ideas

I never seem to have time to blog anymore.

I know this isn't a new problem, I've hardly blogged all year. No matter how good my intentions; I'll write something next week, I'll write something tomorrow, I'll do that this afternoon - it never eventuates. I have written many posts in my head, usually while driving to work, or to school pick up. But by the time I might be near a computer I have moved onto to other things that crowd my mind. My mental to do list has become so unwieldy that the mere glimpse of it and I feel a cold sweat beginning. Today, I thought this is ridiculous. I am in danger of running around in circles with various craft projects attached, smiling manically and achieving nothing. So I decided to write some things down, hoping a physical list with priorities and due dates etc, would bring some calm and order. Ha!

The List

1. Finish covers for memory books for three girls leaving school : Due Friday. Ok. (Have 1 done and part way through the other two.
2. Make an extra square for teachers gift apron as only 14 girls not 15 as first thought and now pattern won't work. Due tomorrow for other mum who is sewing apron together.
3. Wrap belated birthday presents for husband to take to Adelaide with him. Due immediately as he leaves tonight.
4. Finish quilt for friend who is returning to US next week. (lovely idea dreamed up 2 weeks ago to make a map of Australia quilt from vintage tea towels - 3 week timeline? No problem!) Currently only have all squares cut out and yet to commence actual sewing. Due Sunday!
5. Create small artwork for another friend moving to Qld. Idea and tools assembled, work yet to start. Due next Thursday.
6. Sew names in sequins onto t shirts for friend's two daughters also moving to Qld. Due sunday.
7. Find material to make dress for BF's 40th, rather than spend over $500 on dress would probably only wear once. Party not until beginning of January so plenty of time!
8. Find Advent calendar (made when daughter was 3 and advent fairy delivering daily small gift with message seemed a delightful tradition). Calendar should have gone up yesterday but last day of month thing didn't register until this morning.
9. Write 25 messages and purchase 25 small plastic animals for said advent calendar. (Planned to do on way to work but left stupid wallet at home, will have to scratch about hopefully in present cupboard). Refer to number 8's due date.
10. Fix two favourite shirts as suddenly seem to have nothing decent to wear. ASAP.

I stopped at this point realising that the calm & order I had hoped for was morphing into full blown panic attack.

Somewhere I had managed to
A. Overestimate how many hours there are in a day,
B. Overlook the fact that I am working nearly every day until school finishes, and
C. I am no Martha Stewart.

I am fairly sure therefore that you won't mind excusing me again as I crawl in back into the craft room and hope tomorrow brings some sort of crafting miracle.

I do hope some of you enjoying* the festive season in a less manic fashion!

*random photo of others enjoying the festive season supplied and styled by Miss Whizzme.

This used to be a craft blog BUT

today I read a really important article over on Mia Freedman's blog, and as part of my role at PANDA I posted it to the PANDA facebook page. At PANDA we are supporters of "It's Ok to talk about it" but mainly it came from my own experience and the guilty relief that others have gone through this. So what is this? Anti depressants and how they can ruin intimacy.
I wish I had known a lot more about this topic several years ago.

My audience of three

Until recently I used to worry about why people were no longer reading my blog posts. I know this from my blog stats delivered each month to my inbox. They tell me I have a regular audience of 3, which I can pretty much guarantee are my mum, my sister and my best friend. Like I said, until recently these stats would have caused me some agony over why, what to do, etc, etc.

2010 has become my year of reflection, not by my choosing, but nonetheless many insights have been gained and lessons learned. One of these insights has been that really I had lost sight of my reasons for blogging and in turn my blogging audience. When I started blogging several years ago it was to provide regular stories about my crafty dalliances and our lives in Melbourne. My audience was then 3, yes those same three who I no longer could share regular physical get togethers as they all reside in Adelaide. Over time I, somewhat surprisingly, gained other readers and an a new online community open upped to me. The excitement of finding like minded people encouraged me to blog more, to read more blogs, to join this community. However, at the same time I was battling post natal depression and as has now become apparent blogging became a way to hide from my daily struggles. Spending much of my time online became not quite an obsession but a habit.

As part of my recovery from PND I began to back away from my online world. My real world needed my attention, my involvement. It has taken a long time to regain a balance between my real and my online communities. It has taken a toll on some of my personal relationships. A toll that I now look on with sadness and bewilderment. Reflection has felt like I have had my blinkers and rose colored glasses removed. It felt brutal to start with but as sometimes can be the case, a good dose of reality has become strangely liberating. So now I feel I can blog with more freedom again, as I am aware that these posts are really for an audience of 3. But for those of you that also drop by from time to time, I heartily thank you for providing some bonus online hugs!

Until the next post, x Sam

An absence in photos

Poor little blog, so neglected. A short documentary of what we have been doing instead;

birthdays, parties & costume making

enjoying family outings

book week (that's Selby the Talking Dog by the way)

walking the real dog

arranging playdates

doodling

And there was a trip to Japan, an increase in work hours, random knitting & crochet, a return to reading books, twittering, indulging myself with an iPad and upheaval to our family routine. *sigh* life really does get in the way sometimes.

Holidays - but not for me

I used to love school holidays. They meant sleeping in, staying in pj's, watching dvd's, having fun. But now that I am a working woman school holidays make me cranky. I am reminded daily that these luxurious holiday pursuits are a thing of the past and I get very close to having childlike tantrums, especially when the sunshine is as beautiful as today. Don't get me wrong I really love my work - when I get there! But the beautiful Miss Whizzme now a confident 8 year old has been helping me enjoy the holidays a little more this week.

I have received breakfast & the perfect cup of tea in bed, enjoyed a cuddle with Wally the wonder dog and had stories, pictures and all manner of gifts bestowed upon me. So I am going back to loving school holidays, because life is too short to have regrets.

Hipstamatic groupie

I have just been reading a recent post over at My Folk Lover where Catherine talks about her love of the Hipstamatic. I had to share. I downloaded the app for my iphone a few months ago, and just love playing around with it. Partly I like that it is like looking through an older style camera, but the effects you can create are fab. If you are a fan too can you please share your links in the comments? I'd love to see.

Clouds and Fog

I seem to be constantly finding odd links throughout my day. Links from one part of my life to another that until now had seemed separate. Links that then pop up continually and I don't know if it is because I'm now looking for these links or because the links are looking for me! Life in the Whizzme household is quite foggy itself at the moment so stay with me a moment.

Miss Whizzme is studying clouds at school this week. This has meant that we have had quite a few sessions of cloud learning - me being told all about clouds by her. However, this morning Miss Whizzme joined me in the sick bed at home (coughs and colds) and instead googled images of clouds. It kept her occupied for a long time, letting me at least wonder about other things, like my email, twitter, ebay, facebook.... And as I was doing this I came across a recent post by a friend about Cloud Computing (see the link?!) The title drew me in, and I then discovered that my friend and I share similar conundrums with our fog of technology.

Sitting here now writing this I can show you what is constantly my own 'fog'. Tea, computer, music, crochet or some other craft dalliance, dog, blankets, books, sleeping child. I too am never without my iPhone (and would probably only abandon it for an ipad), I am forever playing catchup with my 'readitlater' links, to the point where I often cant even remember why I bookmarked them! I rejoice in the fact that I can now check my email, twitter & facebook before even sneaking my feet to the cold floor. But as sad as this all might sound to those of you not so enamoured by these gadgets, I also need for my family to be nearby, my creativity tools need to be reachable and my thirst seems unquenchable (just sometimes tea may be replaced by other more alcoholic refreshments!).

In the end I guess what I am saying is this 'fog' of mine maybe a little intimidating sometimes but it is also comforting. I think part of learning and living today with all these gadgets is to use them for enhancing our lives but not for driving it. Something I need to remind myself when I am about to twitter my first tweet for the day but an 8 year old wants to show me the difference between a stratus and a cirrus cloud.

There is hardly a week that goes by without the postman delivering an etsy parcel, so I've popped back briefly to share some of the wonderful things I have purchased. I love supporting the handmade creators on etsy, and even more I love having something not so common, but I'm also hoping that this will make up for some of my absenteeism! Every morning before I even get out of bed, I check my emails (on the iphone of course) (i know - NERD!), one of which will be the daily enticements from etsy. It is like a daily 'hit' of my shopping drug. Below I have shared just a few of my favourite purchases, but there wasn't room for all of them. Enjoy the browsing....

Pretty Water Bottle by

Pretty n Preppy

Just be Quiet by

Multiple Personality

Angel Wings organza earrings by

Jewelera

japanese mums purse by

oktak

e is for elephant by

herzensart

I like your scarf by

ashleyg

my adventure is about to begin by

misterrob

customized birthday card by

pocket studio

Have you seen this girl?

Whizzme blog is putting out this alert for its owner. As it has now been some months since our last post our concern for our owner has increased.

Last seen crocheting granny squares. Samantha has shoulder length dark brown hair (often unbrushed), grey eyes with dark smudges underneath from a bad nights sleep. Often accompanied by Miss Whizzme or Wally dog. If you see her in your travels please encourage her to return to her forgotten blog home.

Taking the Granny challenge

In the few quiet moments to be found at Whizzme central these days I wanted to be able to craft something that could be toteable, not too brain taxing but resulted in a finished item (sheepishly she looks at the list of wip's). So when I came across Pip's suggestion to join her Granny A Day, I knew I had found the answer. The grannies are progressing at the required rate which is something of a record for me and joining group things! Also I am slowly using up some of the beautiful but odd balls of cotton I have. I think I have spoken before about my preference for using cotton to wool when crocheting (but i can't be bothered to find that post in the archive), softer and cooler in our hot summer to work with.

I am surprised how much I have enjoyed picking up the hook again (although it has reminded me of these that are ambling along at what can only be described as an extremely sedate pace), how satisfying it is to have a finished square each day. It also reminded me to visit my favourite crochet inspiration blog MOONSTITCHES. Alex is a German girl who lives in Japan, you can read about Alex in her lovely words.

Over the years Alex has provided some beautiful photos of her projects and life in Japan, but it was when she first posted about hexagons that I was lured into the large crochet project.
She has even provided an excellent tutorial for joining hexagons as you go (see her side bar for the link). Beyond the call of duty, Alex came to my aid via email when I couldn't get my hexagons to look the same ( small problem reading instructions on my part- the down side of being self taught!). My personal favourite is her Rhubarb Scarf shown in one of her own beautiful photos below.
You can see more beautiful images at Alex's moonstitches Flickr account.

At this stage though my goal is just to stay on track with the grannies...famous last words!

The thing is...

it seems that no matter how good my intentions, new year resolutions or personal goal setting is this liitle blog is continually neglected. So I thought I'd come clean to you the few folks who loyally pop back on the rare occassions a post appears. Life at the moment has taken a turn that I hadn't seen coming, was ill prepared for but excited to take. As those of you who have been with me for a while know, for the past few years I have been involved with PANDA.
I started there as a volunteer counsellor, moved to working admin 2 days a week until august last year I was given the opportunity to oversee a funded project for a year. This role change has been exciting and challenging but most of all it has brought about some readjustments for the Whizzme clan. Now at work 4 days a week, I find very little time to do any crafting, let alone reading, writing or browsing! It seems the project has slowly consumed my mental capacity leaving little at the moment for my personal pursuits. I am frequently frustrated by this, sometimes even angry but on the whole I am resigned to the fact that it is a temporary situation. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the work, and even passionate about its creation, I just wish I could fit a little more 'me' into each day! Miss Whizzme has been most effected by the role change. She often voices her longing for the mum who was constantly available, attended all school events and was free during holidays. This too pulls at my heart, and sometimes makes me wonder about my choices. The realist in me however, is quick to remind me of all the pluses this involvement has brought; self-esteem, use of my latent degree, challenging new content and overall a deep satisfaction of creating something that will be useful for the wider community. I guess what I am hoping you my loyal reader will understand, that for the present this little blog will be altered from its original crafty purpose. I will post when I can. I will share what I can, but I can't promise any creative content for the time being! I hope when the project ends that my dreams of bringing you more creative pursuits might be possible. Until then, thanks again for sticking around.

Winners are Grinners

Thank you to those of you who contributed stories, some even brought a tear. But Di I don't think I have a solution for your worst present- send me an email with your postal address though and I'll send you a little something to ease the pain!

Now for the winners,
The Goodies prize goes to Amanda,
and
The Stash prize goes to Suse.
Please email me (whizzme at bigpond dot net dot au) your postal details so I can send your prizes.


Hopefully soon I'll have some show and tell for you, so keep an eye out!